Days 5 and 6
Day 5
We were up early for our birth family visit day. Even though we had already met Tsegeye, the birth mother (not to be confused with Dr. Tsegeye the orphanage director), we were still going to see where she lives and Sidamo, the area where Greyson is from. Plus, we were paired with another family visiting the same area and they needed us to video their meeting.
Since Tsegeye, was going with us we were able to take the newer vehicle, a Toyota Landcruiser with only 3500 kilometers on it. That was a nice reprieve from surroundings in a country that are almost exclusively old and in need of repair.
I thought driving in Addis was bad………well let me just tell you………driving outside of Addis is even worse. It is best not to sit in the front seat because then you don’t have to actively participate in the game of chicken the driver plays each time he begins to pass another vehicle. Four lane highways do not exist in Ethiopia, at least not that I have seen. So, unless you want to be stuck behind a big, slow truck, you need to pass often. I used the “Oh crap” handle located directly above the door about 100 times in the first hour alone. As scary as that sounds, it was not the worst part of the initial 50 miles.
On the road to Awassa, the town we were going to, there are so many old, diesel trucks that it is literally hard to breathe. There are so many fumes that in addition to developing an instant case of black lung, my eyes were burning like the pits of hell in July. In July. Plus, as a bonus, you begin to feel the build up of diesel soot on your skin. It was not a pleasant first 50 miles.
We reached the town of Modjo, a crossroads connecting North, South, East and West. We were going west. Now something very strange happened the moment, and I mean the moment, we turned right to head west towards Awassa. It was as if we went back in time about 100 years. The road was still paved but the vehicles went from cold-war era trucks to donkeys, horses, oxen and occasionally a camel or two. I am not exaggerating here, it was really surreal. The donkeys are small little guys, no more than 3 feet high. Those poor little animals have a tough life. You should have seen how much they were pulling and bearing. Some of them pull carts with metal wheels, not tires. The wheels turn crooked like you occasionally see on a car in ill repair, only to a much worse degree. The wheels are hand welded using rebar as spokes and sheet metal as the outside of the wheel. From there they build wooden platforms which carry huge bags of grain or big jugs of water, sometimes 50 at a time. Obviously, some of the carts had to have more than one donkey.
The fields are plowed with oxen pulling a one-bladed plow. It looks more grueling than in the old spaghetti westerns. Plus, they have to plow one field multiple times to get all of the weeds plowed under and the soil ready for planting. They grow false banana, coffee, sugar cane, corn and chat. Chat, pronounced “chot” is a plant used to cause mild amphetamine-like effects when the user chews on it. It is legal here and in many parts of Europe. No, I have not tried it. Anyway, farming is apparently tough work in Ethiopia.
Let me tell you, briefly, about our traveling partners. Mike and Lisa are from Connecticut. They are just fantastic people and we like them very much. Lisa used to be a social worker but is now a stay at home mom. Mike is an Archeologist who has worked often in Ethiopia and is a professor in Connecticut. He was a great source of information because he has studied Ethiopian culture, both past and present, extensively. They have one little boy at home and their new daughter is 2 years old. Mike is a really laid back academic with a passion for what he does and Lisa has a heart of gold that comes out when she interacts with virtually anyone. It is weird how similar Lisa and Heather are.
We went through the Rift Valley, an area not unlike south Texas where I grew up. As we drove further away from the city and deeper into rural Africa the landscape began to change. Termite mounds, 10 feet tall were scattered throughout the fields. The countryside was still full of people, though. We never drove more than 100 feet without passing a group of people driving their donkey carts or pushing their goat herds. In fact, we stopped often to let a herd cross the road. Straw huts were scattered throughout the fields with naked children running about. I will discuss the huts later as we had a chance to go into one, in a remote village, during Mike and Lisa’s birth family visit.
As we approached Awassa the terrain became much greener, much more lush. The temperature dropped about 10 degrees and the air had a hint of sweetness from the trumpet vines growing abundantly on fences and buildings. Awassa is the biggest city in Sidamo, the region we were in. It is a town of about 100,000 people and seems much cleaner, much more subdued than Addis Ababa. We arrived at the agency office to meet with the agency social worker that coordinates all of the details with the families in the field. The agency office was in a government building made almost exclusively of concrete with no air conditioning. The office we went into was about 10 feet wide by 14 feet long. The door was closed and the three agency workers had been having a meeting when we arrived. Yes it was hot in there. The lead social worker was a very interesting character. He was a short man who began almost every sentence with “You see……..” We agreed that we would leave Tsegeye to stay in her apartment while the rest of us went to visit Mike and Lisa’s birth family.
Our trip to this small village was amazing. After leaving Awassa, we traveled over roads made from rocks and mud. We passed a couple of towns nestled in the hills. They were packed with people bartering and mingling. There were no other cars, ours was it. As we passed by, the kids would run along the car yelling, “hey, faringie, faringie!” “Faringie” means foreigner. They were happy and, more than anything, wanted us to wave at them. So, I waved a lot.
We met the birth father (remember this is Lisa and Mike’s birth visit) in the center of the small town before driving to the village. He was all dressed up for the occasion. He was wearing a polyester suit, brown patent leather shoes and a Nike ball cap. It was just so cool that he did his best to clean up and be a great host. He looked about fifty five, by our standards, but could have been much younger. We jumped into our SUV and began heading towards the village. This is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. You get the same sort of feeling as driving in the Rockies. It is literally one of the most remote areas of the world and just so beautiful.
Before I begin describing the village please accept my apologies. I am simply not capable of putting into words how amazing this little part of Africa is. The village contained about 4 huts in a sort of circular layout nestled in a meadow surrounded by trees of many varieties. The colors of everything just seemed bright. Each hut was about 25 feet in diameter and had thick thatch roofs and straw walls. In the middle of meadow was common area of green grass that was short in length and really soft. There were many cows and goats wandering about and a crowd of villagers had gathered, expecting our arrival. It was cool and moist because this is the rainy season but the sun was out.
As we got out of the SUV, an elderly African woman came up and gave Heather and me a huge hug. Not just an obligatory hug but a hug that was obviously genuine……you can just tell when someone is real. She was the paternal grandmother of the child being adopted. She then went around and hugged everyone in our party. Because it was not our family visit and I didn’t ask Mike and Lisa for permission to share the details of their exchange, I will not share the specific details of the conversation that took place between the parties involved. Just let me tell you that it was great and that Mike and Lisa’s warm hearts were clearly evident to this family.
After they had their discussion with the birth family, we were able to tour the small village. First, we toured the hut where the family lived. As we entered, the first thing that hit me was the smell. It smelled like a camp fire…… you know, that smell you have on your clothes after going camping. They have a fire pit to cook over and, I assume, to keep the hut warm on cool nights. There is a half wall, woven of something similar to palm leaves. There were only two small beds; we assumed that everyone else slept on the floor. Now, realize that the animals live in there too. I am not sure how they kept it clean but there were no animal droppings that I could see and the only smell was from the fire pit. There was a back door which led to the crop area. It was very dark in the hut even though it was mid day outside.
The crop area was mostly False Banana which is used to create a powder that is a food source. There were also a few coffee plants and some other plants that I did not recognize and did not ask about. In the center of the village were all of the animals, as I mentioned before. The entire group helped keep the animals in line. A small but powerful memory for me is of a young girl, maybe 4 years old, whipping a very large cow with a switch to get it to move from the area she needed for peeling sugar cane. She was fearless and the cow obviously knew she was boss because it moved along without protest. It was a funny thing to see.
We left the area with one of the best experiences we could have ever asked to have. It met every fantasy we had about experiencing the African bush. The trip back to Awassa was uneventful as we waved frequently to the call of “faringie, faringie!”
When we got back to the city, about an hour later, we met up with Tsegeye. Though she no longer lived in the same apartment where she lived when Greyson was born, we were told it was almost identical. “Apartment” is the only word I could think of to describe where she lives. It is only a concrete room no larger than a prison cell, about 7 feet wide by 10 feet deep. Nearly half of the room is consumed by the twin size bed. Next to it, at the head end, is a small bed side table that held all of her earthly possessions. She had a small jam box, a few books, a bible, one little sliver of bar soap, a small mirror that was broken in half, some other random knick-knacks and a photo album that detailed much of her life. There was a small water basin hanging on the wall which must have been a bath tub, toilet and washing machine all in one. I have no idea where she gathers water. The room had one small window. For art work she had a picture of a Manchester United soccer player, torn form a magazine, hanging on the wall. We discovered in our conversation that she makes about 200 Birr per month, or about 20 dollars. Half of that goes to pay the rent and she lives off of the rest.
We found out that there was type-o and that Greyson’s father was actually only 25 and not 55 as we had been told. She showed us a picture of him. He seemed muscular and of medium height…. maybe ‘5 “11 or so. We also found out that while Tsegeye worked, a 7 year old girl would watch Greyson. Can you imagine? Plus, Greyson was only breast fed for 15 days. After that he ate mostly rice cereal, only receiving one can of formula during his entire first nine months of life. I began to get a little annoyed with the social worker as he interpreted these details for us because as he heard them, he sorted of had this look of disappointment. Maybe he just wanted to show us that he disapproved of the way she had taken care of him. I am not exactly sure what he thought she should have done. It is not like she had a lot of choices. Anyway, Heather and I wanted to double her income by giving her some money but we are not allowed. There can not even be a hint that a baby is being sold or it could jeopardize the entire program. After we get home we are allowed to send her gifts and such. I will make sure she never has to buy toiletry items again. A sliver of soap……that was all she had.
Before we left, Tsegeye really pulled on our heart strings by presenting us with some small gifts. While we were on the other family visit, she had purchased some brightly colored beads for each member of our family. For the girls, she purchased two small beaded bracelets. On the wrapping of each one she put stickers that said, “I like Maddie” and “I like Lilly”. Oh boy, I told myself…..don’t cry, don’t cry. For Heather, she had a long beaded necklace and for me a wide beaded bracelet. She put them on us and gave us really big hugs. We parted ways with Tsegeye for the night and headed to our hotel.
Hotel……..yeah sure it is. I am not sure the lodging facility where we were booked even lives up the word “motel” much less “hotel.” It was a compound of concrete buildings with white wash walls and dirt paths. There were huge trees that dotted the shared common area at the center. One of the trees had a sign loosely nailed to it which read “Nature”. We all got a big kick out of that. OK, the room was crazy. It was what you would think a hotel would look like in any undeveloped country…..dirty and old, painted with colors like pea green and dirty red. The room came complete with two twin beds wrapped in sheets that even Goodwill would reject. Each bed had a mosquito net hanging over it to help keep the little malaria spreading beasts from eating you as you slept. There was a TV which was surprising. Guess what? It had Al Jazerra as one of the stations. That made us feel safe. I was surprised to find out that it really is no different from CNN.
The bathroom was a hoot. When you flipped the light switch on, it flickered for about 10 seconds like in those horror movies. The toilet, bathtub and sink were all 1972 baby blue. The drains had that dark brown stain around them and were half-way rusted out. The toilet seat was being held together on one side by duct tape and there was no hot water. I am not making this stuff up…..ask Heather. You know what is really hilarious? This was our 10th anniversary night. Not exactly the most romantic of hotels but one heck of an adventure!
We reluctantly crawled into our separate twin beds and got under our nets. Heather put a shirt on her pillow in an attempt to avoid the lice she was certain lingered in her pillow. I just prayed for the best and closed my eyes.
Day 6
We woke up to find, much to our delight, no terrorist or man eating animals had invaded during the night. Neither of us had any mosquito bites, as far as we could tell. Still, we made sure, form that point on, not to forget our malaria pills.
Tsegeye was also going back with us to Addis Ababa since her mother was still in the hospital there.
On the way back to Addis, we drove through a national park. It was a really cool experience because we were able to see baboons, gazelle and ostrich. There were also these really cool hot springs bubbling up from the ground. The water spewing forth was about 160 to 180 degrees, as far as I could tell. It was too hot to touch for long but not boiling. This is where I saw an African tribeswoman with a spear! I paid her to take her picture. I am not sure if she really kept the spear for protection or if she only pulled it out when stupid Americans drove by wanting to pay her for a picture. I want to believe the former but who knows.
The rest of the trip back to Addis was uneventful. We had to go back through the same area of high traffic. About 30 miles away from Addis we asked the driver if we could roll up the windows and use the AC. He froze but we could breathe. Hey, I forgot to mention………Our driver was great but there was something really funny about him that we noticed. He was wearing pink women’s Reeboks. I guess that is all he could get his hands on. I guess it is just too poor here and at least he had shoes.
Back at the orphanage, everyone was getting ready for the coffee ceremony. The coffee ceremony is where the staff officially hand over the children to their new parents. It also gives the staff a chance to say goodbye to the children as most of us would be leaving within a day or two. Tsegeye spent an hour or so with Greyson before saying goodbye for the last time. It was great to spend time with her, even though communication was difficult. I didn’t see the final moments she spent with Greyson but I am sure it was difficult for her. Heather and I look forward to staying in touch with her and keeping her posted on Greyson’s life through letters and photographs.
The coffee ceremony was to begin at 4 but for some reason everyone was asked to go in at about 3:30……everyone but us. We didn’t really notice until we were the last ones out there and someone came out get us. As we walked in all of the other families and the staff started clapping. On the wall was a handmade sign that read something like, “Congratulations Steve and Heather on your 10th anniversary.” On the table were a cake they had bought and a card wishing us congratulations and good luck. It was really awesome. This was just a little more evidence that the people we met here, both Ethiopian and American were just great people.
The coffee ceremony started with Dr. Tsegeye congratulating Heather and I on our anniversary and sharing our wedding story with the group which he had asked us about prior to the start of the ceremony. We cut the cake they had purchased and began passing it out. They had two little wine glasses for us that had ribbons wrapped around the stems. They filled them with Coke for us and we had a little party!
Then the actual ceremony began. Dr. Tsegeye began by thanking us for helping these children and explained that they were entrusting us with their care. He explained that as a Christian, he believed that each family was doing the work of God and that he knew the children would be cared for. He asked that we teach each child about their heritage and culture and that we remind them of where they came from.
They had several of the non-adopted orphans come in to sing and dance for us. They were all dressed up for the occasion. Obviously, the very best of the donated clothing was reserved for this occasion.
A big loaf of bread was cut and shared with everyone and coffee was poured for all. In a traditional Ethiopian coffee ceremony like this one, the beans are roasted right before they are ground and the coffee is brewed. This process fills the room with an amazing smell. It is pretty cool.
A prayer was then led by one of the little girls who had yet to be adopted. It won’t be long though because she is about the cutest 3 year old you could imagine. Her little voice leading the crowd was amazing.
All of the children being adopted were brought to the center of a human circle made by the staff and non-adopted orphans. They began a process of blessing the adopted kids by singing a song. The words were the same except repeated over for each child using their name. It went something like, “Bless you, our brother, Greyson, we see you again.” They did it in English and Amharic. It was difficult not to get teary eyed while this was going on.
Then it was over.
We had a new child and we were on our own. We packed our bags and headed to the Hilton where we would spend a couple of days waiting to travel home and pondering the last few days of adventure.
1. You can see a mullet on any give day
